Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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