My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
