The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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