I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
