Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
