I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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