I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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