we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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