You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
