Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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