I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
