I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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