so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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