yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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