his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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