Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
