Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
