My room smells like vodka and shame
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
