Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
