Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
