So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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