So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
