Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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