I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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