I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
