No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
