Swine flu. Run for my life!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
