There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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