He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
