I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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