Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
