I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
