When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
