Sponge bath it is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
