I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
