I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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