Please, let me fuck your mom
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we made out on top of his cat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
