im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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