if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
