My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
