Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
