I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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