What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
