i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
