I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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