It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
