I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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