I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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