Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
