So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
