Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
