I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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