Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
