i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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