Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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