She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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