I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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