I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
