what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
