how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
