i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
