Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
please come you make the beer taste better
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
