My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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