I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
