it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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