the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
