First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
